"Before God could bring me to this place He has broken me a thousand times. I have wept, I have groaned, I have travailed many a night until God broke me. It seems to me that until God has mowed you down you never can have this longsuffering for others. We can never have the gifts of healing and the working of miracles in operation only as we stand in the divine power that God gives us and we stand believing God, and having done all we still stand believing." -Smith Wigglesworth
You can feel free to read this if you want, but from now on my blogs will be just me 'ranting.' Blogs are about people truely saying what they want to say and i haven't been honest or doing that-so if you dont want to read my word vomit then you are in no way obligated ;)
{i apologize for my bad gramar in advance}
This is blogpost about nothing really unparticular. I am saving what each week is about/speaker notes for my newsletters... So, What has been on my mind? What is REALLY going on in this big empty head of Chelsea's?
Alot of you who knew me before knew me as the person who was really hard to read. I was an expert at controlling my emotions and even if i had come out of a really hard circumstance, i wasn't gonna let it show on my face. i was stubborn and i was a fighter. I have learned that when you hide certain memories from your past and when you want to hide one emotion in your life, you simply cant burry them all. God created us to have ALL of our emotions out in the open-we were not created to control our emotions. Because of that when you start to deal with things, every single emotion that has been burried will come out. It's a messy process.I tend to not deal with things, and that has been something God has been working on me ALOT these past few weeks...
Forgiveness & healing.... they are terrible and they are incredible at the same time. We aren't always perfect people no matter how wrong of the things they have done to us. I am so happy and thankful for every single one of my amazing DTS students & staff here.... most importantly-I'm thankful for Jesus!
I've heard stories from some people how they go to DTS and they don't feel like they connect with anybody, and they feel uncomfortable/awkward the whole time. I admit that i felt like for the first little bit that i was here. Fast forwqard a bit, if i never had these awesome brothers & sisters and christ and was dealing with all this on my own-this DTS would have been without a doubt been miserable for me & i'd have probably wanted to go back home by now atleast 8 times. God has brought several stuff on my heart and said 'you need to deal with this and forgive these people' some of them stupid little things, some of them things i thought i had forgiven the people from when i truely hadn't (ouch.)
a saying i had never heard before i came hear was 'DTS means Die To Self' it truely does.
Learning to trust God on finances is byfar the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. The first week i was here $400 came anonymously in the mail (whoever sent that money and whether you are reading this blog or not, words simply cannot describe how thankful i am for you.) It gave me the confirmation of 'i AM where i am supposed to be at this point in time, God is going to provide!'
speaking of money -thats a whole nother blogpost.
I currently don't know alot about which types of ministries we will be doing in Bangkok so I can't announce them. However, in the city of Chiang Mai we will be working in a safehouse calle 'Abba House' which works with rescued human trafficking victims and sharing the gospel and fellowshipping with them. We will be in each city for 3-4 weeks each before heading back to Vegas.
Once i know more-i will post about my outreach/exactly what we're gonna be doing and exactly how much i need to raise. right now i am not sure yet but it is roughly $4,000.00 that i have to raise still.
But i just wanted to say thank you to those of you who have financially supported me so far, and those of you who are praying for me back home. God is wrecking me apart, but it is certainly for the better and i am becoming so much closer with him. It's difficult and many things that were part of my life that werent from him and needed to be cut out-had to and they were very hard processes but God is bigger than that and he's a source of comfort.
ps-i have written some of you back home postcards/letters to some of you guys!
i just havent gotten around to actually getting stamps and mailing them out yet! *oops*
Love you guys alot & i miss you!
Love & Blessings
-Chelsea
the abolitionist dts
my e-mail address: child.of.eden65@hotmail.com
my facebook support page: here
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