sing a joyful noise.

One of my favorite songs lately have been 'lover of your presence' by Bryan and Katie Torwalt. It's one of those songs that can make you burst at the seams because even though how matter upset I may be at whatever circumstance, I realize that God's presence in itself is enough.... no matter how angry I may be at my present circumstances giving up everything for missions IS what i want and more importantly.... it is what GOD has asked of me.


In the last few months since being home I have had many half ideas in my head. My blog section labeled 'DRAFTS' is full of 3 sentences or more or less of these ideas that I have tried to flesh out and make try to come reality but it never manages to work.... ideas and things God has spoken to me that I've wanted and need to get off of my chest-but it just haven't worked. (which is also why I haven't written alot lately, believe me I have tried)
But... if it ends up fatally or good, i am going to try anyway :) isn't that what writing is anyway?








One of the things God has convicted me on strongly since i've been home has been worship, and i have hated it. One of the stories I really like in the bible is the particular one where David and his army ask God 'what do i do!?!?!?' and he asks the whole village, including the women and children...... even though they are clearly outnumbered to just sit there and offer their very best to God and to WORSHIP him.

The army then gets so confused by all the worship that is happening and the joy in front of them, and God confuses the army. The army actually starts killing eachother. David was willing to trust and surrender everything to God... and the end result WAS worth it.


The greek word for worship in this story is 'tehillah'.... it means laudation.
{more about the word tehillah in these two links here (7 hebrew words for praise) and here (tehillah-what is it!?)
It goes to show us that God does something when we worship. He cares about how we worship, and we wants to move powerfully through NOT just through 'amazing corporate worship' [although he can and he does.....] That is not the only way that God moves. God also moves in individual worship.

Jesus fasted for 40 days, Jesus spent 40 days alone with God... Now even though it doesnt say anywhere in that portion of scripture that Jesus specifically ' cant be found anywhere in that chunk of scripture. BUT I'd like to think that if Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days-some of that was probably spent praising & worshiping God (no matter what it looked like.)


Luke 4:1-2 says that at the beginning of his fast Jesus was led by the Spirit....
at the end of his fast. (Luke 4:14) is says that Jesus was FILLED with the Spirit. Worship and our praises CAN do something in our individual lives and it is definitely reassuring for me to know that even Jesus himself claimed some of God's promises in his own life.....


During my DTS i struggled with worship alot. Singing in front of people has always been something i have hated (to read more about my journey with worship during my DTS click on this link)

Coming back home was probably the most difficult ever. IEven though I had overcome alot of my fears during DTS, I thought that after the way i had grown in my worship through DTS... i would be great to do anything and that nothing could hold me back. I quickly changed my mind the first Sunday I was back. Worship at my church was something I really enjoyed... but i felt so empty inside and distant from everybody that I did not care. Worship was the last thing I was excited about..

I began to realize and remember something that was shared with us during our DTS.... "Your life will not get changed through a simple prayer time, your life will get changed by constantly renewing your mind and spending time with God" I thought i didn't care what people thought and that was true during DTS..... but when i came back home it was a whole different story. It was something that i had to work on, we're never actually worshipping if we're not engaging with God.


For awhile it would just be me 'praying' during worship and pretending like I was actively participating (much like during the beginning parts of DTS) and then my mindset shifted... As i began to pray for simple things and not just myself but a variety of things.... God began to change me. I came to a weird conclusion. 'Our Worship should be the fruit of what God has done in our life' (try reading and letting that soak in 5 times.... it definitely convicted me, and i think that it should)



Worship is not something God gave us to exasperate us, and make us look stupid in front of everybody else.... We should feel free to worship him in whatever way that makes us feel free. Whether that's through singing or not. Whether that is trough painting something that inspires you and thanking God what your thankful for.....worship means to simply praise. And maybe your not a singer, and that's fine with God.... He loves to listen to us no matter what we sound like, no matter how much we mope and whine because 'our life isn't going right'


As long as we're LETTING him move in our lives.... then i think that's ok. Because his ways aren't our ways, and he understood that from day one.... it's normally us who have had the problem and have often tried 'convincing God'                 Worship shouldn't ever look the same... Worship shouldn't ever be 'just singing' and that's it.  It should be how we live and in our everyday lives.
just some food for thought.

-Chelsea

'the answer to the question WHATS NEXT!'

for a long time i have ignored the question, 'what are you doing the next??' This, however.... what is happening right now, was completely unexpected. I mentioned before that i was EXCITED for the next step, whatever God was willing to do i was going to run into it.... i believe my words were similiar to "i trust god to provide even if it doesn't make snese" thosse words are totally coming to bite me in the bum now because i wasnt expecting it to happen this quickly...

The whole time i have known the answer to the question 'what are you doing next??' but i've been scared about the timing, will i even be accepted or not, am i even hearing from God right!? so.... i took a leap of faith and accepted after seeking spiritual leadership in my life. the whole time to be honest i felt like God was ripping my heart out when he was asking me to go and staff here, (EVEN when it was such a long time away) i had already missed so much, i felt like after i had grown so much from DTS and had so much to process... how would i ever be ready to do something like that by the end of this year??

i felt like because i had just finished my dts... because i had processed and gone through alot my dts i wouldnt know how to lead people (and satan was using that to his advantage ALOT). personally in my own dts experience, i didnt start actually growing/learning in my lecture phase until about week 8 of 16. I became so stuck on the 'this is way too soon, people are going to think im not serious' that i didnt think about the possibility of WAIT a second.... what if i am put with somebody who is having a hard time during their DTS that might need someone who's been their.... i forgot about stopping for the one which is what our Christian walk is all about. 



The whole time people have asked me 'what's next?' i have known the answer.... The whole time i haven't been sure about it. It was exactly like Vegas... "WHAT... how is this going to happen? i dont understand?" fear flooding my mind, excpet i knew why i was going.

THIS. is completely different. I dont exactly know why i'm going, i dont know why God has asked me to go. but the things that have happened even the past few years of my life and how God has spoken verses to me, and spoken through people to me.... i thought they were all for Vegas. I thought Vegas was the 'defining moment' for all of it. THAT was the reason for all of it right? that God had found somehow a beautiful way out of my brokenness and pain to get glory out of it.... to help people who are currently suffering there.


Seeing Thailand and being in Vegas, learning for myself despite the hours and countless weeks of research i had already done on this topic was different. I never had a heart for human trafficking before God called me to Las Vegas and to do this school, Human Trafficking was just something i had heard of.. people i would pray for occasionally but i didnt really know about it. When God called me it was more of a matter of 'i want to know what im getting myself into' before doing the school.... i would not let myself be one of those people ignorant going into the situation.... But ive found and seen that no matter how much research you do and even if youve been there, even if you have suffered abuse.... you still end up being ignorant because you have never been there personally.

I'd begun to see that this topic is not black and white..... These people are people, and you never fully come to that conclusion (no matter how much you know that) until you are in a bar in Thailand   having a drink (juice/pop) with one of these girls in Thailand and you get the amazing priveledge of becoming their friends.... (or whatever circumstance it may look like, whatever country) Ladyboy or not they are NOT 'people of unfortunate circumstances....' When i think of the redlight district now, i think of the FRIEND i met. YES! i absolutely still pray for her.... but i dont think of her as a victim. If we constantly define people by their circumstances constantly how will they ever get out? They are PEOPLE and these men and women are not defined by the things that happen to them. They are defined by their quirks, their personalities, their joy and their laughter-because that is how GOD sees them: as his children.


And now? i'm beginning to realize that alot of the things that God was telling me during my own lecture phase weren't for Thailand specifically.... they were for NOW.

God has put alot on my heart 'restoring desolate inheritances' and generations. I had believed those were words specifically about something totally different and close to my heart, but God showed me differently. When at first i didn't have a heart AT ALL to do what he had called me.... i began to. Because i realized 'restoring desolate inheritance' means a life changed by Christ. Families brought together again. It doesn't matter WHERE it happens or who it happens to... it is a celebration when God calls someone who has been struggling to walk in their full identities as sons and daughters. They are no longer 'desolate' as the world says but they are 'LOVED' and they know it.


SO WHAT EXACTLY AM I DOING!?!?
After much prayer and seeking God, asking my spiritualleaders for guidance.. I have submitted my staff application for YWAM Kona, the University of the Nations base. This is the base where the founders of YWAM live and the burning pot for all that YWAM does.

I will be staffing a DTS called 'awaken' which goal is to ignite young people, and But largely focused on community. they do not go to more than two locations during their outreaches and they want to bless their communities.. My goal was originally not to be leaving until much later this year and staffing next year's DTS... But 'when we are down to NOTHING, God is up to something!!'


Re-entry has been very difficult and i realized ive been trying to make myself grow at a rapid rate still.... the same way i was on DTS. And ive realized its not possible. it's impossible and weird to think ive been home for two months,  Two Weeks. Can i even do this? and after much seeking him, fasting from facebook.... tand Gods answer has been 'GO'

So..... with alot of fear, faith, and trust in my heavenly father who provided for me on my DTS.... Within the next two weeks-month i will be packing up my bags and leaving for Kona for possibly a year to staff this DTS. I do not know any of the details of where the outreach for the school will be etc.

All i know is that once i get there i will taking a 3 month leadership track. And then staffing the DTS for 6 months and the students will be arriving. Its weird to think this time a year ago i was preparing/freaking out for my own DTS.... My God does CRAZY things!



Genesis 28:15 (b)
" for I will not leave you until I have done what I have ^[a]promised you.”
and...
Matthew 6:33
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

verses i am claiming and living by this season.




Please pray for finances and God's provision during these next few weeks. Stepping into Gods hand as i walk into the unkown, favour for a visa and for FAITH! I dont know when i will be going, it may be sooner than later... but please

If you would like to monthly support me in this journey i will be taking, please email me as soon as possible. As always i highly appreciate your prayers during this time. I will be completely relying on God for the finances as currently, financially i only have the finances for a plane ticket to get there....

since i am now an official STAFF for ywam, all donations that you give will be tax deductible.
My financial needs are traveller insurance, my medication, and rent/food. as of right now i do not have monthly supporters.

my email is 'buettnerchelsea@gmail.com'



Peace & LOVE
-Chelsea