8 years later. satan aint never gonna bring me down.

this is just a very quick post to say that life is changing very quickly. sometimes God can ask us to do really crazy stuff and take leaps of faith. I would appreciate your prayers during this time and during this next season.


im about to do a thorough blog soon about my fundraiser and more of my kona plans.
my parents were gone this past week and it was nice to have a mini vacation. to be able to be a mini introvert and process alot of things by myself and much needed was awesome. awesome..... fantasticly awesome!

for myself, its very hard to know the difference between spending a few days by myself and being a hermit. i really enjoy being a hermit and that is something i really need to stop doing. its honestly something gods tested me on since ive gotten home since from dts. God is so faithful. thats the only thing i can really say coming out of this season, and to think that its only the beginning amazes me....


'he places the lonely in family' i am beyond thankful for ywam and dts. that scripture is exactly what God did in my life. when i hear the word family now, im no longer resentful or bitter or spiteful or hurt think 'well thats great... but that is never going to happen for me!'


the kingdom of god, and the center of gods will is where i wanna be.
and it seems that god has finally taken me to a place where im finally ready to be there.

after 8 years of being a christian [this weekend is the anniversary of the weekend of when i got saved.] i have finally gotten over grieving those 8 years of wishing 'God why didn't you intervene sooner when nobody else in my life cared'   there were alot of times when nobody else did. When my times of pleaing for help were responded by a smack in the face or a 'when things get worse.' type response. But no matter how bad things were getting i was too stubborn to believe that the God i was taught about wasnt good. even though he seemed really distant.


God obviously didn't think they were years wasted otherwise i would be in heaven now. otherwise i would  be on the long broken rocky road still.. I literally cringe and shudder when i think at where i could be in life right now. The people i minister too in the future could very well have been me had Jesus not saved my life. God believed in redemption and using my past for good. despite all the depression, scary near suicide attempts, God still loved me enough to give his only son. There was a risk that i would not take salvation but he thought it was worth it..


I am not going to say 'God why did you die on the cross'
i just want to take this moment in time to say thank you. It seems like now after all of these years of pain and doubt, i have finally learnt to have grace on myself. One of the things i noticed from past journals is that i really tried to have a real relationship with God but i put so much pressure on myself to make it happen. I was never taught, I never knew that God does not expect anything of us. I knew that at the back of my head but its funny how those things creep in.

It seems like i finally get it. God has placed desires on my heart and you know what?
'seek first the lord and he will give you the desires of your heart'
desires are not bad. i have to accept the fact that loving god is not bad, having talents is not bad, wanting to be able to reading my bible and spend x amount of time with God a day is not a bad thing. God tells me this in his word-it's true that we can do these things legalistically. But anytime that anyone tells us anything different unless what God says.... it's wrong and its as simple as that.



Im glad that now i've finally got it. after 8 years of striving i can finally learn how to simply WALK with God. There will be seasons of running, difficulties but its about getting into a rhythm that is simple. Being Gods friend, being in a rhythm that is of steadfast love and grace and hearing the heartbeat of our father God. So that whatever season is about to hit us in the face..... we are unshakable.


THAT is what i want and that is true christianity.





"I''m not looking for the lesser of two evils. I am asking for a miracle from heaven called revival." -Lou Engel

twists and jagged edges {a poem}

Rollercoaster {a poem}

I have learnt is that life with God truely is a rollercoaster….
You never know where he will take you, the ride is terrifying but we always have a ‘safety belt’ on.

God is never going to kick us out of the rollercoaster and launch us out, he’ll never accidently ‘undo’ the seatbelt’ just because he is annoyed with our screaming.

Sometimes we become so terrified by the ride itself that we forget it’s about the destination. We forget that we have a seatbelt on the whole time…. If that seatbelt where to ever come ‘undone,’ boy would God would be in trouble!

We forget that Jesus said ‘IT IT FINISHED’

The rollercoaster can be about the ride, but for people who hate rollercoasters it is about the destination. {as a roller coaster hater myself, I quite often think WHY is this fun!?}
In Gods eyes…. Its about the ride and not the destination. Sometimes the rollercoaster ride is fun and when its over were sad. Sometimes the ride can be quite frankly hell…. But its only once were at the destination that we can actually appreciate the ride we just went on.

We get so caught up and anxious that we forget that god made that rollercoaster, he knows EVERY twist and turn of it… just like he made us. He isn’t surprised when life there is something we never planned, maybe he wanted it there all along. He isn’t surprised when we freak out and say to him ‘umm God-did you see what just happened!?!?’ he probably laughs.

God simply didn’t plan everything he created free choice. and for all of those injustices that god certainly didn’t intend (just watch the news or your Facebook newsfeed once in awhile) we know that God IS sovereign.

He is able and WILL lay down a new and sturdy set of tracks right then and there just as quickly. He is setting up a plan to fix things all that’s required is our trust in him. He just might ask you to do something a little out of your comfort zone, in the end its not about you anyway. He will never let you fly off your handle, his ultimate plan is ultimate redemption for everyone and every kind of person.

Some of us hate heights, some of us hate anxiety, some of us hate those sudden jagged turns. All of us hate fear, and fear ultimately isn’t from God. But nothing can ever replace the euphoria and high that you get when first stepping off a rollercoaster. God is that high and God is that rollercoaster that the joys of life just cant match. Our momentary trials and discomforts and pain mean nothing compared to the joy and bliss of knowing him.

Once you finally step of that rollercoaster, whether you want to throw up or whether you can’t wait to get on again…. You can guarantee there is a feeling in you that you cant make go away because your human. You guessed it! There are chills going up and down your spine from all that adrenaline. Gods plan is completed and its onto the next adventure, all the emotions that remain are simply gratitude and thankfulness. That seatbelt will always hold you back from something far more dangerous and scary……. Yourself.

*************************inspired by 1 Corinthians 15:36-42****

I just began to write, and the words kinda poured out and this is what I came up with. To clarify I really HATE rollercoasters! The one time when I got the courage to go on one, because of my height (im really SHORT. I often get asked my age lol.) I never properly fit on there.  I sat there clinging for dear life the whole time. My body barely fit in the seat and I thought I was going to fall out. I just want to give some biblical examples of what this made me think of.
*******************************************************************************


Its during our testing’s when our true character shines through. The enemy has a much different plan for trials than God does. Gods plan is for them to bring us closer to him and for us to be able to see really see God as a ‘father, healer, redeemer, etc. The enemies plan is to tear us apart and make us want to curse and reject God. we can see that dead on and clearly in the book of Job.

Yet, Job IS the example for us to follow!…. Just like Moses found God after running away and murdering someone, not knowing who he was ‘am I an Egyptian or a Hebrew???’ God met him when he was an outcast to society, after killing somebody, Moses hated himself. God met Moses in the dessert, and that is how Moses became the powerful leader that he was with God… a rollercoaster. For me it seems that it WASN’T through the burning bush moment that Moses received his anointing…. When God met him in the desert he developed his intimacy and trust with his heavenly creator. Although he still had fear, he trusted God and he was obedient.

1 Corinthians 15:42 “So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable.” (ESV)

Things have to die before they can grow, and not everything we plant will live. There can be seasons where we are surrounded by people pouring into our lives where we are constantly learning about God but where it may not seem as if we are learning a thing at all. That is a lie from the enemy. Your temporary season of drought is a SEASON.  Now matter how long it has gone on, its temporary. Gods plan for you is ultimately life and satan’s is not. God works through every season. No matter how frustrating, or heartbreaking they can be. Sometimes we look back with our human eyes and we grieve over those seasons because ‘God wasn’t doing a thing……  and I felt alone’


We have human eyes, even though we are new creations in Christ. Pride has a really funny way of seeping in. we are fixed on ‘the prize’ but the prize shouldn’t be the next big promotion or how god is going to use ‘us’ where he is going to take ‘us’, [notice that key word…] this life is about HIM and its funny how often we forget that. (im talking a lot to myself here too….)

There is nowhere in the bible where it says ‘I promised you that you would I would give you that promotion, that someday you would get married, etc.’ a life with the lord is not easy but its worth it. I think we should live our lives not expecting a thing from God and just watch to see how he blesses us in his timing, not vice versa. Nothing in life in planned and unfortunately much like rollercoasters: its all about the journey oftentimes, not the destination.





What inspired this poem that where the more difficult seasons…. Those seasons where it feels like your being spiritually attacked all the time, where you feel like you constantly have to fight for your relationship with God, where what should be coming naturally…. Just isn’t. its frustrating those days when you feel like crying come a lot more often and sometimes you question your sanity. “God actually everything you say in your word and do you actually LOVE me?”



The seeds we sow are eternal, even if they don’t ever come to pass on this life. Those rollercoaster seasons suck. I think that God wants to make fighters out of all of us, whether that’s in the area of intercession (prayer), worship, fasting for things, sewing into peoples lives, being a beacon of hope…  we forgtet that if we focused on God and not what the world told us how easily things would melt away. the problems certainly wouldn’t be gone but our hope would be much bigger.

Knowing God was the commandment Jesus considered the most important. Its one a lot of us have vastly ignored. We are called to model that and live the way Jesus did because no matter how perfect or blessed Moses, job, Joshua, David, etc. were they all had there faults.

Here’s the thing I have discovered that is really hard about knowing God, God is a person. Nevermind the act that he is somebody whos invisible and who we cant even see… I think a statement we have to realize is God/Jesus is not some omniscient spirit, he is holy, he has spiritual authority, he fights for you, he is a PERSON who desires relationship. God is the worst tailgater in the world.

You wouldn’t say to a friend ‘I trust you with my entire life, my entire heart, my entire soul’ unless you had spent a period of time getting to know them, discovering who they are first. Just because its God makes it no different. (and this is something that I don’t care if you disagree with me, I would like to hear your reasons as well)

I believe that we set ourselves up for failure time and time again when we say ‘God I trust you… have your way with me!’ if we do not even bother spending time to get to know God, find out for ourselves ‘who is God to me?’, reading our bibles, etc. If we simply live a life living by what we have been told and never get to know God for ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure. The great news is God is faithful and God is sovereign….. He is constantly seeking and pursuing our hearts and he wants every bit of us. He loving and gladly takes every bit of us that he can get (which personally I don’t think is fair, when he deserves every piece of me. But im excited for the day when my human nature will finally fall flat on its butt and I can give every single piece of myself to him. Because after all Jesus is not my religion he is my saviour)



 He is meant to be our friend (amongst many other things) the bible is not a self help book where you can go to when your having a bad day and find a random verse that ‘ironically fits this situation’.


im only just beginning to discover this, everytime I begin to become flooded with doubt thinking ‘its impossible to read the entire bible’ I have to pray against it and tell satan hes wrong. Iive found that the more you read your bible, the more you will discover that EVERYTHING fits together. i slowly realize how important our bible is and how it is our tool.



I don’t know about you, I don’t know what season your in…. but for me this is the ultimate goal. to be able to say I lived out this verse at the end of my life. =]     Our world needs more Job’s.



HABBUKUK 3:17-19
“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places.”


-Much Love
Chelsea

more than just head knowledge?

lately i have been reading an amazing book. the story of how i came across this book is actually kinda funny...

what is the first thing you think of when you think of the word 'conviction'
id it a gutwrenching horrible feeling, because its not supposed to be. its supposed to be a tap on the shoulder telling you your supposed to turn the car around and start driving in the right direction.i think that most of the time our own self guilt is worse than gods conviction itself. that is most of the time the case for me atleast

many weeks ago i was confused about alot of things, God was asking me to do things that were bizarre to me. i didnt like it. i made a trip to the christian book store and said (at a time when i actually had 'extra money' *sigh*) ok God.... i obviously need a wakeup call, i need something which book do you want me to buy? (this is not a smart idea. just sit down in a quiet room and WAIT on God next time Chelsea...) regardless of how stupid of an idea that was, God is still working through that prayer in really mindboggling ways.

here is a quote i recently saw..  a good painful reminder.
"It's physically impossible for nothing to happen when you pray." -The Daniel Company

God has REALLY stinkin good memory :/ lol
i bought three books that day. a new bible to start this new season i am on, a devotional called spiritual java (see amazon link here) and a final book called 'Momentum: What God Starts Never Ends.' (see amazon link here)



the first book spiritual java was something that instantly struck me. earlier this year God had asked me 'give up coffee for 5 years and take up the nazarite vow' for those of you who know me, i work at a coffee shop and i've always loved coffee. i was really struggling with what that meant, and what nazariteship meant because i was getting far too caught up on the details. i was allowing it to emotionally upset me and take up every bit of my life at one point... when God gives a word that is not his intention, its supposed to be life giving.  i had totally lost the fact that it was about being consecrated to God, growing in a deeper relationship to him. i have not read this book alot but it was as if God were showing me 'i CAN be your coffee...'
(the nazarite vow is in numbers 6 in the old testament of the bible, it was when men or women could take a vow to god and give up alcohol, give up cutting their hair to show that they stood out.... this showed in the world of sin that they lived in that they lived for God and had set a higer standard for themselves)


The second book i bought that day was called 'Momentum:' it is about spiritual inhertance as well as other things....(i think that every person in spiritual leadership needs to buy this book!!!!)

When i saw that this was what the book was about it really hit the hammer on the head. While i was in Vegas God began to grow in me a huge heart for 'generations' and much more in particular 'desolate inheritances.' Was this because i attended a church straight in the thug of Las Vegas and saw God move, saw God change people all the time? i don't know and i couldn't tell you. 

If you have never heard the term 'desolate inheritances' thats ok. i never did either until God showed me this verse..  Another word you could use instead of desolate is: unused, abandoned, bare,  destroyed, forsaken, isolated, lonely, ruined, uninhabited, waste, wild

the sad thing is that we often do use these words to describe people.. we forget OFTEN that everyone is God's child. We have made up this idea in our heads that 'God can redeem you but he can't redeem me.... God's grace is enough for you, but it's not enough for him..' There are some people in the world who can be saved, but there are some people who are beyond economic repair and that is how it is.

Well then that defeats the purpose of the gospel doesn't it?



Isaiah 49 (NIV)

The Servant of the Lord

49 Listen to me, you islands;
    hear this, you distant nations:
Before I was born the Lord called me;
    from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name.
² He made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
    in the shadow of his hand he hid me;
he made me into a polished arrow
    and concealed me in his quiver.
³ He said to me, “You are my servant,
    Israel, in whom I will display my splendor. ”
⁴ But I said, “I have labored in vain;
    I have spent my strength for nothing at all.
Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand,
    and my reward is with my God.”

⁵ And now the Lord says—
    he who formed me in the womb to be his servant
to bring Jacob back to him
    and gather Israel to himself,
for I am^[a] honored in the eyes of the Lord
    and my God has been my strength —
⁶ he says:
“It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
    to restore the tribes of Jacob
    and bring back those of Israel I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the Gentiles,
    that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.”

⁷ This is what the Lord says—
    the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel —
to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation,
    to the servant of rulers:
“Kings will see you and stand up,
    princes will see and bow down,
because of the Lord, who is faithful,
    the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”

Restoration of Israel

⁸ This is what the Lord says:

“In the time of my favor I will answer you,
    and in the day of salvation I will help you;
I will keep you and will make you
    to be a covenant for the people,
to restore the land
    and to reassign its desolate inheritances,
⁹ to say to the captives, ‘Come out,’
    and to those in darkness, ‘Be free!’

“They will feed beside the roads
    and find pasture on every barren hill.
¹⁰ They will neither hunger nor thirst,
    nor will the desert heat or the sun beat down on them.
He who has compassion on them will guide them
    and lead them beside springs of water.
¹¹ I will turn all my mountains into roads,
    and my highways will be raised up.
¹² See, they will come from afar —
    some from the north, some from the west,
    some from the region of Aswan.^[b]”

¹³ Shout for joy, you heavens;
    rejoice, you earth;
    burst into song, you mountains!
For the Lord comforts his people
    and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

¹⁴ But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me,
    the Lord has forgotten me.”

¹⁵ “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
    and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
    I will not forget you!
¹⁶ See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
    your walls are ever before me.
¹⁷ Your children hasten back,
    and those who laid you waste depart from you.
¹⁸ Lift up your eyes and look around;
    all your children gather and come to you.
As surely as I live, ” declares the Lord,
    “you will wear them all as ornaments;
    you will put them on, like a bride.

¹⁹ “Though you were ruined and made desolate
    and your land laid waste,
now you will be too small for your people,
    and those who devoured you will be far away.
²⁰ The children born during your bereavement
    will yet say in your hearing,
‘This place is too small for us;
    give us more space to live in.’
²¹ Then you will say in your heart,
    ‘Who bore me these?
I was bereaved and barren;
    I was exiled and rejected.
    Who brought these up?
I was left all alone,
    but these—where have they come from?’”

²² This is what the Sovereign Lord says:

“See, I will beckon to the nations,
    I will lift up my banner to the peoples;
they will bring your sons in their arms
    and carry your daughters on their hips.
²³ Kings will be your foster fathers,
    and their queens your nursing mothers.
They will bow down before you with their faces to the ground;
    they will lick the dust at your feet.
Then you will know that I am the Lord;
    those who hope in me will not be disappointed. ”

²⁴ Can plunder be taken from warriors,
    or captives be rescued from the fierce^[c]?

²⁵ But this is what the Lord says:

“Yes, captives will be taken from warriors,
    and plunder retrieved from the fierce;
I will contend with those who contend with you,
    and your children I will save.
²⁶ I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh;
    they will be drunk on their own blood, as with wine.
Then all mankind will know
    that I, the Lord, am your Savior,
    your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob. ”

During the many months that this picture of 'desolate inheritances' has been on my heart. It has been amazing how God has brought it up and even how it relates and goes together with the heart the base of Kona. This topic reminds me of how much God earnestly and truely does care for his children.... how he wants to protect them. How God truly is not a God of hate but of passionate relentless love and he never stops pursuing us. Even after all Israel had done he would still rejoice the moment they came to him. God does the same for us, whether we are 'a little lost' or way over our heads. Whenever i hear someones testimony i never hear it the same since God has shown me this. I truely recognize how God rejoices in heaven when even ONE prodigal comes back to him...


God has been going much deeper with this than i ever would have thought. I am in a season of restlessness that i really do not like, every waking moment that i have i think in my mind 'i want to go to kona and be in kona right now....' because i feel like i would be growing more there than i am here. I also know that the first few months being in Kona will probably be some of the most difficult not knowing anyone.

my prayer is that God would continue to grow me and help me to be present.
God is laying deep things on my heart that are very difficult for me to understand. things that my pride may be getting in the way of and helping me to simply accept-even if i dont understand. 

i also hope that i would continually be restless for jesus and not the things of this world.

{so why the weird name for this blogpost? because jesus is starting to literally attack my heart in weird ways. ;) }


im attaching some prayer requests onto this blog, if you guys think of me please keep me on your prayers!

if you guys think of me at all, please keep me in your prayers as i go job hunting this week as i desperately need a new job.
my doctor still cannot find any answers for my migraines.. pray that the neurologist i have an app to go see in edmonton see finds something!




hebrews 12:28-29
-chelsea

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