today and tomorrow, i will be posting a couple 'old blog' drafts that i found.
this one was from may i think.
"won't you let this be a sacrifice, let me dedicate my life to worship you."
brain running faster than the speed of life, feeling like i could run straight into the wall and nobody would see it. but Jesus does and tells me to rest? this is something that constantly baffles me...
As humans... we never think that we have pride. even when we're doing things the right way, our ego manages to creep in and destroy us. We pray and we pray and then.... when God answers that prayer outside of our timing, ego and pride kicks in. Fear kicks in. Trusting in God means trusting in his timing too-then why do we run, why do we fear? This was something that happened after first coming back and into Vegas my debrief week.... I have said many times that I trust God, and i do. I trust him to provide, i trust him with my health, to see people saved, and EVERYTHING.... those are words i don't take back.
But when fear creeps in, i've found that our instant reaction is to hit the ground running and say 'i didn't mean that actually....' and run away from what we know is best from us. Fear has a way of making us think with 'practical' earthly he said/she said thinking that is deceitful. It makes us comfort our weaknesses and pain and live in them, fear refuses to let us confront our pains and weaknesses and live free....
Sometimes, when God asks us to do something it isn't our instant reaction to say 'yes God! i'm excited!' We hit the ground running, we become fearful and we don't always understand what he is doing. What the world tells us is that God is 'big and scary' and he doesn't want whats best for us.... because the world likes being comfortable, and obviously a God that wants you to grow most in situations of uncomfort
Quite often we put our practical thinking above Gods sovereignty and his truth....
When God first asked me to go to Kona..... I wasn't interested.
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