Hey Guys, here is a little update on me!
i have been home for a month and it feels good to be back into the hustle and bustle. back into the atmosphere & vibe of certain things like the community of the coffee shop here in Blackfalds..... i knew that i would miss it while i was away but i didn't think i would miss it that much! being back home is like a gulp of fresh air in many ways, but there's always something that you miss. one of the most difficult things i have adjusted with is being 'present'.. not waking up each day saying 'i want to be in vegas...' but looking at the possibilities of the mission field right in front of me.
lately, the Lord has been laying something on my heart. It's not something i particularly cared for or was interested in, simply because i thought his timing was way off... but God made it clear to me that he wanted me to stay in YWAM. all of the many 'what if's' and fears are very big in my mind, but i know that the rewards are far greater than the suffering from possible rejection and living off support. It's also funny how God changes our hearts for the things we could care less about. He actually wants us to love him so much that 'our desires ARE the same as his desires' and
'where you go i go, what you say i'll say, what you pray-i'll pray...'
As i am in the process of filling out my staff application, stressed beyond belief i have to constantly remind myself 'GOD PROVIDED FOR YOU ABUNDANTLY MORE THAN YOU WOULD HAVE HOPED ON YOUR DTS!' the more i ask God 'what am i good at!? What are these desires of my heart??' the more i begin to think maybe im just being stubborn? maybe god still wants to use me as a photographer.... part of me still really wants to be a photojournalist and part of me still doesnt care that the industry is the way it is: cut throat, desgusting, and rude. i am starting to think that perhaps maybe the only problem is i haven't been enough places and actually seen enough things to make me realize that photography actually IS important to me? and perhaps its just one of god's gifts that im not supposed to question 'why did you give me this?' and maybe im just supposed to accept it.
maybe it is a fear that i don't want 'taking pictures' to define me... because it has and i've allowed it to. where i come from here as an artist, is completely up to God... if God were to ask me to start doing portrait photography again i would but i would have a VERY hard time with it. i guess that's what dying to flesh is all about. i was thinking about how God works in such crazy ways the other day... and how he does not/will never settle for mediocrity for anyone. i think thats something we forget to often that when he calls us.. it's because THAT one thing is the best possible thing for us to do at that thing.
Since i have been home i have started/been trying to go through reading my entire bible and its humbling to see that people back then WERE just like us!!!! thinking of this, how God doesnt call us to 'mediocrity' reminds me of a verse i heard recently and on my outreach to thailand. i think oftentimes we need to be reminded that God knows what he's doing... even if it makes no sense: because while we are living out 'being in the center of god's will.. the safest place to be!' it's easy to let what the world tells us as 'success' 'making sense' define us and freak out.. but Gods plans are always greater.
Romans 9:20-26
"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" [21] Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? [22] What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, [23] in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory-- [24] even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? [25] As indeed he says in Hosea, "Those who were not my people I will call 'my people,' and her who was not beloved I will call 'beloved.'" [26] "And in the very place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,' there they will be called 'sons of the living God.'"
2 Timothy 2:11-13
"The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
[12] if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us;
[13] if we are faithless, he remains faithful-- for he cannot deny himself."
Blessings,
Chelsea.
i have been home for a month and it feels good to be back into the hustle and bustle. back into the atmosphere & vibe of certain things like the community of the coffee shop here in Blackfalds..... i knew that i would miss it while i was away but i didn't think i would miss it that much! being back home is like a gulp of fresh air in many ways, but there's always something that you miss. one of the most difficult things i have adjusted with is being 'present'.. not waking up each day saying 'i want to be in vegas...' but looking at the possibilities of the mission field right in front of me.
lately, the Lord has been laying something on my heart. It's not something i particularly cared for or was interested in, simply because i thought his timing was way off... but God made it clear to me that he wanted me to stay in YWAM. all of the many 'what if's' and fears are very big in my mind, but i know that the rewards are far greater than the suffering from possible rejection and living off support. It's also funny how God changes our hearts for the things we could care less about. He actually wants us to love him so much that 'our desires ARE the same as his desires' and
'where you go i go, what you say i'll say, what you pray-i'll pray...'
As i am in the process of filling out my staff application, stressed beyond belief i have to constantly remind myself 'GOD PROVIDED FOR YOU ABUNDANTLY MORE THAN YOU WOULD HAVE HOPED ON YOUR DTS!' the more i ask God 'what am i good at!? What are these desires of my heart??' the more i begin to think maybe im just being stubborn? maybe god still wants to use me as a photographer.... part of me still really wants to be a photojournalist and part of me still doesnt care that the industry is the way it is: cut throat, desgusting, and rude. i am starting to think that perhaps maybe the only problem is i haven't been enough places and actually seen enough things to make me realize that photography actually IS important to me? and perhaps its just one of god's gifts that im not supposed to question 'why did you give me this?' and maybe im just supposed to accept it.
maybe it is a fear that i don't want 'taking pictures' to define me... because it has and i've allowed it to. where i come from here as an artist, is completely up to God... if God were to ask me to start doing portrait photography again i would but i would have a VERY hard time with it. i guess that's what dying to flesh is all about. i was thinking about how God works in such crazy ways the other day... and how he does not/will never settle for mediocrity for anyone. i think thats something we forget to often that when he calls us.. it's because THAT one thing is the best possible thing for us to do at that thing.
Since i have been home i have started/been trying to go through reading my entire bible and its humbling to see that people back then WERE just like us!!!! thinking of this, how God doesnt call us to 'mediocrity' reminds me of a verse i heard recently and on my outreach to thailand. i think oftentimes we need to be reminded that God knows what he's doing... even if it makes no sense: because while we are living out 'being in the center of god's will.. the safest place to be!' it's easy to let what the world tells us as 'success' 'making sense' define us and freak out.. but Gods plans are always greater.
Romans 9:20-26
"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" [21] Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? [22] What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, [23] in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory-- [24] even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? [25] As indeed he says in Hosea, "Those who were not my people I will call 'my people,' and her who was not beloved I will call 'beloved.'" [26] "And in the very place where it was said to them, 'You are not my people,' there they will be called 'sons of the living God.'"
2 Timothy 2:11-13
"The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
[12] if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us;
[13] if we are faithless, he remains faithful-- for he cannot deny himself."
Blessings,
Chelsea.
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